i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
