dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
