Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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