I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
