I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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