I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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