i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
