I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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