i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
