just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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