well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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