Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
