i was born a porn star she said
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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