Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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