I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
