whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
