I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
