I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
