I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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