connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
