that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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