I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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