I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
