i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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