Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
