It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
