he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A+ Viking dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
