So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
