Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
