the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
