he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
