32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
