I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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