i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
