I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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