You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
