Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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