Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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