i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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