you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
