guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
