dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
