I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
