id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
