i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
