he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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