It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
