Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
