I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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