I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
