my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
