you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
