No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
