Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
